Foreman felt a rush of heat to his face when Amber asked about his anger. He couldn't tell her that, not without looking like an idiot for jumping to conclusions. His anger had been nothing to do with anything she'd done, only with his speculations about what her difficulties with no really were. Amber might be offended if he told her what he'd been thinking, or hurt. Or she might laugh at him. Foreman wasn't interested in having his thoughts dissected, not now. He settled for, "I wasn't angry at you," but he didn't know if Amber was listening. She seemed more focused on whether or not it was possible to give up her control. Foreman could see from her expression that Amber was closing up. Distancing herself. Her bright, breathless arousal was slipping away. Shit. He'd said the wrong thing. He shouldn't have said anything.
"I don't want you to promise," he said. Hadn't she believed him that it wasn't a matter of all or nothing? Most of the time he'd let her fuck him any way she wanted. Christ, he loved it when she did. But sometimes, he wanted to know that he could do the same. He wanted to see Amber stop thinking, and so far it seemed like she was the one who could drive him out of his mind, but always kept a part of herself set aside where he couldn't reach it. Casual, and more-experienced-than-thou--Foreman cursed himself, knowing even as he said it that he was asking for too much. It was too soon, and he'd already lied to her once. But: "I want you to trust me."
He shut his mouth, pressing his lips together, a second later. I can't do this. Nothing made him feel more ridiculous. More naked. He couldn't even roll away--she was still sitting on top of him. Frustration twisted with humiliation in his stomach, and the edge of anticipation throbbing in his cock became nothing more than a dull ache. Amber's apologies only made him feel worse. Foreman wanted to jerk away from her palm against his cheek, but he forced himself to stay still, accept what she was telling him, even if he couldn't meet her eyes. He wouldn't ask for more, obviously, not if she didn't want it, but Jesus, did she have to apologize? If he hadn't said anything, they wouldn't have stopped. It might be a stupid idea, but either way, it didn't matter. Foreman wasn't going to be the kind of asshole who took it out on his partner just because he didn't get his rocks off. He lifted his chin as she took her hand away. "Yeah." His voice was rough at first, like he'd forgotten how to use it. Earlier, he'd been thinking how good it would be just to hold her tonight. He hadn't counted on Amber's rejection, but he'd be a hypocrite to push her away now, after everything he'd said--that this mattered, that he wanted her with him for more than sex. It was still true, but that didn't mean he had to like putting his words to the test this soon. He closed his eyes and took a breath deep enough to raise his chest, and tried to breathe out the last few minutes when he exhaled. His body didn't quite relax, but some of the tension eased before he looked up at Amber again. "Yeah, of course."
He needed a shower, too, but he didn't want Amber to think he was pressuring her by following her into the bathroom. He'd already dropped his hands, curling one behind his head to stop himself from touching her, or himself. He nodded in the direction of the bathroom, behind her. "There's shampoo and conditioner in the cupboard under the sink," he said, trying to be matter-of-fact. He made no move to get up. Amber would have to move first, anyway, but all Foreman wanted was the chance to have a door between them for a few minutes, so he could deal with his stupid disappointment alone, and out of Amber's sight.
no subject
"I don't want you to promise," he said. Hadn't she believed him that it wasn't a matter of all or nothing? Most of the time he'd let her fuck him any way she wanted. Christ, he loved it when she did. But sometimes, he wanted to know that he could do the same. He wanted to see Amber stop thinking, and so far it seemed like she was the one who could drive him out of his mind, but always kept a part of herself set aside where he couldn't reach it. Casual, and more-experienced-than-thou--Foreman cursed himself, knowing even as he said it that he was asking for too much. It was too soon, and he'd already lied to her once. But: "I want you to trust me."
He shut his mouth, pressing his lips together, a second later. I can't do this. Nothing made him feel more ridiculous. More naked. He couldn't even roll away--she was still sitting on top of him. Frustration twisted with humiliation in his stomach, and the edge of anticipation throbbing in his cock became nothing more than a dull ache. Amber's apologies only made him feel worse. Foreman wanted to jerk away from her palm against his cheek, but he forced himself to stay still, accept what she was telling him, even if he couldn't meet her eyes. He wouldn't ask for more, obviously, not if she didn't want it, but Jesus, did she have to apologize? If he hadn't said anything, they wouldn't have stopped. It might be a stupid idea, but either way, it didn't matter. Foreman wasn't going to be the kind of asshole who took it out on his partner just because he didn't get his rocks off. He lifted his chin as she took her hand away. "Yeah." His voice was rough at first, like he'd forgotten how to use it. Earlier, he'd been thinking how good it would be just to hold her tonight. He hadn't counted on Amber's rejection, but he'd be a hypocrite to push her away now, after everything he'd said--that this mattered, that he wanted her with him for more than sex. It was still true, but that didn't mean he had to like putting his words to the test this soon. He closed his eyes and took a breath deep enough to raise his chest, and tried to breathe out the last few minutes when he exhaled. His body didn't quite relax, but some of the tension eased before he looked up at Amber again. "Yeah, of course."
He needed a shower, too, but he didn't want Amber to think he was pressuring her by following her into the bathroom. He'd already dropped his hands, curling one behind his head to stop himself from touching her, or himself. He nodded in the direction of the bathroom, behind her. "There's shampoo and conditioner in the cupboard under the sink," he said, trying to be matter-of-fact. He made no move to get up. Amber would have to move first, anyway, but all Foreman wanted was the chance to have a door between them for a few minutes, so he could deal with his stupid disappointment alone, and out of Amber's sight.