Nowhere Amber's ass. Something hard and heavy settled in her chest, of an entirely different cold from the one clouding her breath. Nothing he'd said was harsh and there was only gentleness in his tone. And yet she felt tremendously brushed off. Ignored. She might've told him anything at that moment, even her most embarassing feelings of doubt, when she'd been this close to failing or giving up. Almost having to repeat that class in med school, and-- and that stuff in high school. That humiliation so many people knew, lived that moment out with her-- her brothers, the other kids in her school. But she'd never told anyone. Kept it close to her heart, didn't much dwell on it. And yet, if it'd come up, she'd have told Eric. Trusted him with it.
Now he was patting her hand like he'd pat some patient kid's head, saying to take the medicine and not ask questions about what was wrong with them and how they'd get better. And what could she do? Fall onto her back, kick her legs, and throw a tantrum fit to end the world until he shared his crayons like a nice little boy? If he didn't want to tell her, then he didn't. End of story. Amber couldn't demand that he trust her with his past, with his family, with whatever history that had shut him up like an air-tight seal. She wanted to be included; wanted so badly it ached, at the base of her throat. Even just a throaway mention, like how he didn't like to think about it, would've been better than being waved away. As if it might as well not exist because it'd never concern her.
Whatever. He'd tell her or he wouldn't. He'd drawn his little line and that's where she stood. Amber looked away, as if she were scanning the grounds for what ride to hit, but mostly she didn't care to look into his eyes, at him pretending he hadn't just fled the subject. The ferris wheel, modestly sized and with a dozen lights out, had been her original aim; she'd wanted to sit next to him in that tiny booth, holding him and maybe necking and completely missing out on the view the ride offered. Maybe talk, low-voiced and intimate. But she didn't feel like being so close to him, right now. Amber got to her feet, brushing off her coat where she'd sat down and leaving her milkshake on the bench. "Let's go on the bumper cars." Any ride where she was actively encouraged to run into other people was her idea of a good time. Maybe ramming into strangers would help her work off this resentment.
no subject
Now he was patting her hand like he'd pat some patient kid's head, saying to take the medicine and not ask questions about what was wrong with them and how they'd get better. And what could she do? Fall onto her back, kick her legs, and throw a tantrum fit to end the world until he shared his crayons like a nice little boy? If he didn't want to tell her, then he didn't. End of story. Amber couldn't demand that he trust her with his past, with his family, with whatever history that had shut him up like an air-tight seal. She wanted to be included; wanted so badly it ached, at the base of her throat. Even just a throaway mention, like how he didn't like to think about it, would've been better than being waved away. As if it might as well not exist because it'd never concern her.
Whatever. He'd tell her or he wouldn't. He'd drawn his little line and that's where she stood. Amber looked away, as if she were scanning the grounds for what ride to hit, but mostly she didn't care to look into his eyes, at him pretending he hadn't just fled the subject. The ferris wheel, modestly sized and with a dozen lights out, had been her original aim; she'd wanted to sit next to him in that tiny booth, holding him and maybe necking and completely missing out on the view the ride offered. Maybe talk, low-voiced and intimate. But she didn't feel like being so close to him, right now. Amber got to her feet, brushing off her coat where she'd sat down and leaving her milkshake on the bench. "Let's go on the bumper cars." Any ride where she was actively encouraged to run into other people was her idea of a good time. Maybe ramming into strangers would help her work off this resentment.