eric_foreman: Eric Foreman from House - eyebrow raised (eyebrow)
eric_foreman ([personal profile] eric_foreman) wrote in [community profile] alwaysright2009-08-20 07:55 pm

October 29, 2007 - Evening

Nothing around here works the way it's supposed to work.

Of everything their John Doe--Robert Elliot--had said when Foreman had been with him, that was what rang the most true. It was stupid to think that talking with a patient with Giovianni's syndrome could change anything, least of all how he saw himself. The guy wasn't psychic; he was only picking up on the cues that Foreman had dropped inadvertently. Changing because of that was worse than stupid. It would imply that not only was Foreman ignorant about his own feelings and what he wanted, but also that he was spineless enough to act differently because of a stranger's neurological disorder. Foreman made his own choices. He wasn't looking for any advice, whether it was his own reflected back at him or not.

After the day's humiliation, Foreman had been more sure than ever that Princeton wasn't the right place for him. Less than an hour later, Chase had come up to him, clapped a hand on his shoulder, and laughingly asked if it was true.

Foreman fixed him with a furious stare. "I didn't know she worked here. And I didn't have to beg her every day for weeks."

Chase, far from being offended, just grinned wider. "Once a week. Anyway, I heard Amber was the one calling the shots."

Foreman didn't bother pointing out that Cameron walked all over Chase on a daily basis. "I have to run a biopsy," he said, turning to walk away, his shoulders hunched as he pushed his fists into his pockets.

"She seems like just your type!" Chase called after him. "Did you ever consider lightening up and enjoying yourselves?"

Fat chance of that. Not with the whole hospital in on the joke and watching. For what it was worth, Foreman didn't have to work with Amber directly for the rest of the day. Both of them were too busy running cultures and keeping the patient alive. Foreman let House do whatever crazy thing entered his mind. He didn't have any illusions about being able to stop him today, and Foreman was more interested in keeping his head down. In thinking about how to get away.

But when House sidled up to him with a job offer from Mount Zion, Foreman's first thought wasn't to jump at the opportunity. It wasn't even to suspect that House was having him on, dangling the possibility with every intention of yanking it away the second Foreman seemed likely to believe it was real.

His first thought had been, I can't go yet.

That had surprised him more than anything, made him stop and frown once he'd finally shaken House off. After having his affairs aired in the middle of a differential like a choice piece of gossip he couldn't believe that there was any reason not to take up the job hunt again. Farther afield, where the hospitals wouldn't have heard of him, or had their diagnostics cases redirected to Princeton-Plainsboro, so that they'd only know House by his reputation, not by personal experience. Maybe as far away as California; Foreman still had contacts there.

But he didn't want to go.

Partly it was the medicine. He'd felt in the thick of it again today. Working against the clock to solve a case. Challenged, following the clues from one to the next. He'd always loved that, even if he hadn't been happy working for House. But partly, Foreman knew, it was Amber, and he didn't know what do about that. He'd been shot down enough, rejected enough, that he should want to stay away from her just to avoid any more scenes like this morning's. Even so, he couldn't stop thinking about her. Wondering what she really felt and whether the attitude she'd shown in front of House was all there was.

Well, it didn't matter. He wasn't going to ask. Once the case was solved, all Foreman wanted to do was gather his things and escape. It was late, and dark, and he headed for the doors slowly, already knowing he wouldn't have the same luck he'd had on Thursday. Nothing worked out the way it should.
amber_v: Hiya, lips. Why so sad? (lips)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-27 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
"Sure I like it," she teased, fingers curling over his lapels until the material bunched in her hands, taunting herself by not holding on to what she wanted. "It's a royal palace, worthy of a king." What more did he want? It was just an apartment.

Amber hummed, new surges of arousal running through her at his proximity, his attention. And then she stopped cold, stone as Eric kept on touching and kissing her like he hadn't just awkwardly shrugged off her confession. I know. I know? She'd bared her heart and that was all she got, a paused I know? It was with growing heaviness as she watched him undo her coat, his every movement making her sink further.

Over ten years of people telling her she was too cynical, of watching other couples and wondering that maybe she had been too hasty in writing off relationships, she'd finally found a guy she thought cared, and he proved her suspicions true. It all came down to the same thing. His question confirmed it. "Is this just about sex?" Amber's voice betrayed her, cracking halfway through the sentence, undermining the strength she'd tried to underline it with.

And to think she’d thought of risking her job.

She wouldn't make a big deal out of this. She wouldn't. She just wanted to know, now, that what he wanted was to get laid. That was okay. Nothing wrong with that. It was what she herself had looked for so far, what she'd had in mind when she first flirted with him, before he was Eric, before one look from him made her mood do a one-eighty. It was okay. Amber could get through this, tonight; she had to, to show him she hadn't been so stupid to think there'd been anything more to them. Though, at this moment, lump rising in her throat, Amber had no idea how she'd get through hours of faking. But she would. Somehow.

Later she'd puzzle how she'd so deeply misunderstood-- again-- his intentions. Later. For now, Amber stared into Eric's eyes, determined to hear his affirmation, or cowardly evasions, with dignity.
amber_v: Aw, man, don't pout at me (lean)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-27 05:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Barely breathing, her heart stuttering from the lack of oxygen, Amber steeled herself for the worst. No. She hadn't thought it possible, but she stiffened more; Eric was going to deny what he wanted. A liar through and through. At least his face had the decency of spilling the truth, crumbled with guilt.

If he wasn't going to come clear with her, then she saw no reason to keep faking. They didn’t both have to lie through their teeth. Amber's hands fell from his lapels and already she was calculating how to get a cab, whether to wait here or outside.

But before she could further develop the escape scenario, Eric expanded, haltingly, on that "no." That same hesitation which had so alarmed her pulled her back in, and she listened attentively, needing to hear what came next. Her hands ceased their fall midway his chest and once more she gripped his coat, the cloth bundled up in her fists.

It was as if his words were walking circles in a forest and she was losing her way following them, going deeper and deeper into the woods. There was nothing definite about what Eric said, just that he couldn't stay away; that could mean anything. He could have a fixation on her legs, for all she knew. But the earnestness of his gaze, and how suffered the sentences came out, it was as if he wanted to open up and had no idea how. Whatever he meant but couldn’t express fully, the more he spoke, the redder Amber flushed, flattered by what might be the truth, embarrassed that she had made a big deal out of what was nothing.

Worried, too, that she was misreading him again.

She exhaled sharply with the hug, her arms flying up, out of her control, to hold him back just as tightly. "Dr. Eric Foreman," she intoned into his ear, and god, the scent of him, up-close like this addled her brain all the more, "if you're lying, I will rip your ball off." She squeezed him harder, rested her head against his shoulder. If it were possible, she'd will him to cast no more problems, so that she close the distance and kiss his throat, lick the salt of skin; so that things could be as they should.
amber_v: Amber in spring! (glow)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-27 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
"Just one," Amber confirmed, words muffled because her face was buried in his neck. "The other one will remind you what you lost, and what you could still lose." With the next woman, anyway. If she had to rip off one, she wouldn't stick around long enough to find reason to tear off ball number two.

Amber pressed into him, to be as close as possible, to breathe the same air as him. Eric’s coat buttons dug into her, as would his belt buckle would, she was sure, if only there was less between them, and she was being more a fool than ever, if that fact bothered her for more than the mere physical inconvenience. Eric’s hands massaged her back, and she straightened her shoulders, welcoming that touch. She closed her eyes. Yes. Yes.

She'd have to take his word for it, that 'this' mattered to him. But the slow, gentle way he kissed her, soft as if she were a dandelion whose seeds he didn't dare scatter with his breath, it was easy to believe. Her eyes opened up again. "Yeah," she said, her lips brushing against his cheek. "It does." She then covered his mouth with her own, opening it slightly, just reveling in the feel of him. His lips were dry, perhaps from kissing her so much. It felt the right thing to do, to run her tongue lightly against them, a small way to mark herself on him. "So," she said, and she almost laughed, realizing how what she was about to say would sound. "Not to sound like a hypocrite, but where's the bedroom?" Her eyelids lowered, her tone deepened. "I want you." Need, really; she hadn't been sure, earlier, if she was up for another round, but with Eric in her arms and this whirlwind of emotion, all of her craved him. Her body strummed with desire. For him. And not in a quick, up-against-the-wall way, acting more out of horniness than anything else. “Slow,” she kissed him, hands sliding down to his sides and tightening over him, “and deep.” Her tongued slipped past his lips, seeking his.
amber_v: Aw, man, don't pout at me (lean)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-28 12:09 am (UTC)(link)
This—kisses, undressing, fucking-- Amber understood. Dominated. She knew what to do, how to do it, and when. It was familiar-- fun-- terrain, and Amber eagerly lost herself in those old, yet never boring, rites. She wouldn’t make a fool of herself. So determined to throw herself into the act, Amber barely took in Eric's room and his comment about wanting to see her.

With sex, the goal was simple: get everyone off. She could do that.

There was the shedding battle, to see who would get naked first; of course Eric sided with stripping her, and Amber fought back with the cunning ploy of unbuttoning his suit and pushing it off him. It fell to the floor with a rustle, though she didn't hear it, occupied with kissing Eric back, gasping softly as his fingertips encountered her bare skin.

His touch was so hot it burned her, through her surface and deeper, deeper. Amber sucked harder on Eric’s lip, pressing her tongue out together with a moan. They'd just fucked, no more than a few hours ago, and already she was this turned on, this needy. She knew why. They’d— in the hallway, they’d done something, talking, coming to terms, or simply making each other all the more confused. Whatever it was, it’d affected her physically, and she wouldn’t let herself think about it, not now. The last thing she wanted was to become so namby-pamby sensitive again. Now was about wanting, giving.

“You make me so hot,” Amber whispered, vehement. That was safe, nothing she hadn’t said before. Trailing her mouth down his chin was old business, too, pausing to nibble his jaw line. Still—even if she’d done this countless times, smelling Eric as she did so, tasting his sweat, it made her dizzier. She set to undo his shirt buttons, too, to ground herself.
amber_v: Smug Amber is smug (smug)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-28 10:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Trying to hold her back, was he. Defiance flashed within Amber, like lightning striking ground. These emotional entanglements might be new to her, but physical restraints, she'd dealt with those before.

"Let you what?" she asked, all coyness. Striking up her competitive spirit seemed to be the motivation she needed to snap her out of her uncharacteristic, and frankly, annoying, insecurity. It brought herself back to an Amber she knew and enjoyed. It felt good, liking running and laughing against the wind, to be herself again. "Tell me, Eric," she teased, just as she rotated her wrists and slid them from his grip, freeing herself.

But she could tell what he wanted, his every languid motion crying it out loud and clear. She embraced his head and, moaning, let him. Let him kiss her slow and careful, let him adore her and her body. More importantly, she let herself relish every sensation, discovering worlds of pleasure in the mere brush of his nose against her throat. Her heart thudded, loud and all-encompassing, the sound of a time-ancient drum beat.

Her fingers ran over his head, taking in the rough texture of his almost-baldness. It was so different from her own long, straight hair. More intriguing, too. Amber played, skirting the smooth skin behind his ears before caressing the crown of his head, pressing softly. If lingering was what he craved, then lingering she’d give to him. She tilted her face so as to lay her lips against his forehead, fingertips hovering down to the nape of his neck. Amber let her nails graze over the area, wondering if she’d find a sensitive spot. She hoped so. She wanted to drive him crazy.
amber_v: Amber in spring! (glow)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-29 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
Good-- no, perfect. Amber smiled wide, pleased by reaction she'd elicited from Eric with so minor a touch. She liked knowing she could make him tremble and shiver with just a stroke of her nail. The power of it made her as excited, if not more, as when his hands had travelled up her shirt, his lips on her chest. Arousal built up inside her, coiling in her abdomen, but present all over, making her skin tingle.

Slow was nice.

"Alright," she breathed. He already was teasing her, bringing her stride down, pacing himself as if time were a useless thing to be squandered. She wanted to know what he considered teasing and what other, subtler sensations they could create through mellow exploration. But she had to half-laugh, half-moan, as his mouth covered her nipple. It seemed he wouldn't be so patient after all, no matter what he begged of her. "If you're able to, that is." Hair falling and sticking to her sweaty face as she peered down at him, Amber raised her eyebrows in a dare.

And then her head was tilting back, her mouth gaping as she took in the gasps of air she suddenly needed. "Bite me," she commanded, pulling his head closer. Her fingers tightened of their own accord, curling. Her hips too pulsed forward, seeking a surface to rub against, and found nothing. The sheer frustration of lacking friction between her legs, with the scent of Eric so strong it overwhelmed her, made her gush. If he meant to torture her by asking what she wanted and not delivering, then telling him what she desired was dangerous. But she couldn't resist. "Pinch my other nipple," she gasped. "Hard."
amber_v: Amber can has a naughy idea (smirk)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-29 09:54 pm (UTC)(link)
"Oh," Amber cried out, and then again, her body jerking. She hadn't thought he'd do it, but he had, pinching so hard it almost hurt. She'd been expecting a caress, at best, but this, it concentrated all her sensations on that one spot, channeling them into a crystal-clear jolt of pleasure. And then again, on her other breast, with his teeth, and oh god it felt good, so right. All that was missing was his body against her lower half, so that she could thrust and thrust, in rhythm to her thudding heart.

They'd get there. She'd make sure of it.

Amber complained, loud, when Eric pulled away; how could he stop now, when she wanted it to never end? But she couldn't object to him ripping off his tie and shirt, not when it afforded her an uncensored view of his upper body, gleaming slightly with sweat. Amber cracked into a smile as she remembered what joys existed beyond a thorough tongue-job over her clothed breasts; she could return the favor. Lick him all over, nipping here and there. Taste his skin, feel the pulse of his blood, and-- best of all-- have him under her control. Begging.

So caught up in fantasizing her next steps, Amber forgot to get around to acting. She barely had the time to process him stripping off her blouse and bra, to appreciate just how freeing it was to be exposed, before he was pushing her onto the bed. "You," she laughed, her breathing off a beat from the impact against the mattress, "are a terrible tease." Her laughter became a wicked grin; they'd landed so that she could feel every bit of his erection, hot and hard against her abdomen. She rolled her hip once, not for her own benefit like she'd wished just moments ago, but to make him crave more. "And by that I mean you're not very good at the teasing." She propped herself up on her elbows, pausing long enough to whisper into his ear: "Let me show you how it’s done." Taking his face between her hands, she kissed him everywhere: cheeks, nose, eyelids. She avoided only his mouth, purposefully testing his reaction to him being forced to slow down. As for herself, she was more than happy. The warmth of his body bearing down as she learned the contours of his face with her lips, it was amazing. No other word for it.
amber_v: Amber can has a naughy idea (smirk)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-09-30 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)
"If I made myself untouchable, would it be easier on you?" she asked, purposefully lowering voice and eyelids, smirking. She was pretty sure the answer would be a resounding 'no.'

And then he started to describe what he'd been thinking at the restaurant, Christ. Hanging on his every word, Amber's full-body blush only deepened. She knew Eric wanted her: if the way his gaze followed her, and a thousand other signs, hadn't been enough to clue her in, she had the concrete proof of his desire pressing up against her. But to hear him say it, to catch the pitch of his voice on keywords-- it was amazing. There was no other word for it. Amber couldn't not kiss him properly, sucking on his lower lip, slipping her tongue into his mouth. God, how she loved this, their being so close together, as if they could come to occupy the same space.

With Eric's rocking steady between her, the friction problem was more than solved. Amber hummed, buzzing from the consistent stimulation against her mound; she could stay like this a long, long while. "Duh," she answered. Teasing meant having power, with begging the polar opposite: submitting to someone's will. While she could relinquish control to a sexual partner for brief periods, before long she inevitably chafed against the structure and found a way to get back to the metaphorical top. "Don't you?" Being an underling didn't suit Eric; he'd risen to the position of department head the first chance he got, and it hurt him to be back under House's thumb.

Yet... Amber stroked Eric's back as she thought. That first night, despite his fears, he'd let her penetrate him. Wasn't that a form of submission? She'd been a stranger to him and still he'd let himself trust her that much. And their patient, with a neurological condition, pathologically imitating whoever was in control, had chosen her. Maybe Eric liked begging. Maybe he didn't know that about himself.

Now there was a theory to test.

Timing it just right to the roll of their hips, Amber pulled down her nylons and kicked them off before lazily bending her legs over Eric's. He liked seeing her, she knew. This might be enough to get him more excited but not so much as to make him lose his head—in other words, the perfect tease. Though, she reflected as she rubbed her bare skin against the silk of his trousers, this was not helping keep her own arousal down.
amber_v: Hiya, lips. Why so sad? (lips)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-10-01 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
Her gambit worked better than she'd hoped, with Eric getting this close to crazed. Over her. Amber let him kiss her, her own mouth curling up into a self-satisfied grin, basking in his compliments. What made glow weren't the words themselves, but how he said them. Heartfelt. Intense. Like he couldn't ever have enough-- of her.

It relaxed her, somehow, made her ease in Eric's arms like nothing else had since that I know in the hallway. If she'd had anything to prove, she'd done it. No-- the one who'd had to prove himself was Eric. Had to make her believe she had gotten to him, somehow. And if she could make him lose himself, then she must've gotten under his skin. In a sexual manner, admittedly, but at that moment, arching into Eric, feeling his groans reverberate against her breasts, Amber demanded less. She was secure here, with him drawn to her like a butterfly to a flower. Her smugness grew when Eric stripped himself without any further motivating on her part; not once had she reached to cup his erection, and he was already giving in. That much abandon, just from humping and kissing. From her.

He went first went for her stomach. That was okay. More than okay, really. Moaning, Amber rolled up to him and into that wet hotness, her muscles quivering and twitching. She expected more of that. Expecting him to keep on tantalizingly slow, exploring her abdomen and paying her back in the same coin she'd used on him. She'd expected time.

But he went too fast, holding her down, dipping his head below her navel, and she gasped, her legs folding up as if she could escape that way. This wasn't what she'd planned, and now it was too late to stop him; he was already kissing her mound, licking her outer lips, short-circuiting her nerves. Amber couldn't stop her shuddering breaths, trying to get in as much air as possible, no more than she could keep her hips from jerking up for more of that stimulation he'd promised with that teasing dip with his tongue. She'd meant for them to stay at slow-motion until she mounted and fucked his brains out, and here she was, clenching bed sheets, starting a ride she wasn't sure she was ready for.
amber_v: Hiya, lips. Why so sad? (lips)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-10-02 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, god, of all the times to practice his teasing, he just had to choose that moment, didn't he. Amber didn't even know what to do with herself, body shaking from head to toe, sweat breaking out all over her skin. "Eric," she cried out, far passed being able to think of controlling what did or didn't come out of her mouth. "Oh, god," she let out, and from then on, her cries were only that, formless and uncontrollable.

It was suddenly too hot, as if they'd cranked up the heating past the maximum and closed all the windows and doors. The air was stifling, nowhere near enough, and Amber's skin, it burned up. Eric was doing things to her, without doing anything at all, like a prolonged flirtation. His breath tickled her where she was most sensitive, maddening her, and his tongue, how slippery he was, sliding just past where she most needed him. Her thighs opened and closed as her hips rose and fell, over and over, desperately seeking relief, but finding it nowhere, not against the smooth sheets or his overbearing weight.

It was too much, and not in the good way.

Amber struggled to find the word she needed. "Stop," she choked out, and then again, "stop." This wasn't how she'd meant it, and she'd wanted to save her pride, hide just how taken aback she was by this unexpected turn. But, so sensitive it ached, she wouldn't come. Not this way.

She sat up and breathed in deep once, twice. Her hair stuck to her forehead and neck, and she wiped it away. God, how was Eric taking this? What was going on in his head? With one more breath, she knew she could speak properly, and so she did so. "I want to fuck you," Amber explained. She hoped it'd be enough. Maybe the smile would help; it was a real one, because she meant every word. "Me on top."
amber_v: Amber in spring! (glow)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-10-02 04:01 am (UTC)(link)
From the bed's sudden dip and complaining creak, Amber knew that Eric had scrambled up. At that moment, nerves still humming with excess arousal and head spinning, Amber couldn't have explained even to herself why she'd jerked away. He'd gone down on her, for crying out loud, she should've locked his there with her thighs and hands til she came. He wasn't going to understand, was he, why she'd called a grinding halt when he'd technically been spoiling her rotten.

But in a split-second Amber watched his confusion give way to grateful relief, his shoulders sagging, and she saw that she wouldn't have to make sense of her reaction. It was okay. It was more than okay, given his words: he'd leapt to the conclusion that it was only about the fucking.

Amber wrapped an arm around the top of his shoulders and hugged his head. Closed her eyes, breathed in deep again. By now, she'd been covered by Eric for so long it felt as if she'd never smell anything but him. His mouth along her throat was so gentle and sweet that, somehow, Amber wouldn't have minded if that really were the case. Despite her scare, she wouldn't have left his side for anything in the world. Swelling with tenderness, Amber rubbed her cheek against the roughness of the side of his head. "Yeah, I do say."

With a tumble, their positions inverted, Amber making a point to roll herself to the top. Her elbows on either side of him and tendrils of her hair falling onto his face, Amber found herself smirking. Now this was more like it. "Good," Amber replied, warmth, the good kind, tightening in her chest. Still-- she cupped a hand to his cheek, carefully staring down at him. "You could, though, if you wanted to." She couldn't stand it when he said no. She'd been livid when he'd abruptly abandoned her in the restaurant, and when he'd frozen at her trying to penetrate his anus, she'd been so embarrassed. 'No' was a synonym for 'losing.' But the way he'd stopped, at once, when she'd asked, she couldn't not return the favor. Not now that she knew how important that could be. They were still here, body to body, because he'd respected her needs; where would they be right now if he hadn't?

"But I'm pretty sure," Amber said, her grin returning, "that you'll like my next suggestion." He must be starting to get restless, still rock-hard. "You just better have a condom somewhere around here." She spied around his bed for likely Trojan-containing furniture.
amber_v: Aw, man, don't pout at me (lean)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-10-03 12:15 am (UTC)(link)
What, was he angry she'd told him he could say no? Eric's face twisted at her words, furrowing all the more as the seconds passed. As if the more he thought about it, the more offended he became. His body beneath her stilled in a sudden contraction; even his breath seemed paused, his chest not rising as high as before she'd spoken.

Why would he be pissed? Wasn't it good, that he could trust her? Or by saying it, had she made him doubt her? People could be like that, getting irritated if you presented them with the truth, but being perfectly happy to go on with a lie. Was that it? By saying he could say 'no', it had occurred to him that maybe he couldn't? If she weren't already as red as she'd get, Amber would've flushed with indignation. She didn't lie.

Her gaze flicked to the bed stand Eric indicated, but she only sat up, sitting on his thighs. She'd already made the mistake this evening of trying to go through an act when her heart wasn't in it, and once was one time too many. She didn't like pulling the plug again-- her muscles shook with impatience, demanding satisfaction rather than to stop yet again. Eric wouldn't be pleased either. But together with all the other things that had soured this evening, Amber knew she'd find no pleasure in fucking so long as she wondered what the hell had passed through his mind. Not even the comfort of his kiss, so tender, quelled her. "What're you thinking?" she asked quietly.
amber_v: Aw, man, don't pout at me (lean)

[personal profile] amber_v 2009-10-03 03:25 am (UTC)(link)
Amber wouldn't be able to hold this position for long. Already a crick was building up at the base of her back, and her legs complained of the cut-off blood flow. If she were fucking him, that'd be one thing, since the motion would keep her body singing with joy. But to stay still like this... and the sight of Eric squirming with arousal that must be turning into pain was not one Amber wanted to see.

She knew he meant well, could feel it in the kindness of his caress and his carefully-chosen words. But the touch, too invasive when she was scrambling for a safe distance, made her anxiety coil further, tightening in the pit of her stomach. His first comments disappointed her. He was going to talk about how much he wanted her? Like he'd said, she knew that. She'd have to be on another planet not to. His desire, though, didn't explain the anger that'd flashed over his face just now. In fact, nothing he was doing right now, treating her like near-shattering china, was compatible with that brief rage. And Amber couldn't go on, not while she didn't understand. "Why were you angry, just now? When I said you could stop me?"

Eric's patience gave way to skittishness when he left the subject of how much he wanted her. Her blood turned to ice water, freezing her from the inside. Was that it? Being on top? Physically, it wasn't a problem. Back on Friday, she'd loved it when he'd flipped her over and fucked her hard, unable to help himself anymore. She could've spent all night like that and passed the next day grinning ear to ear. Figuratively, though. That was a whole other story. Amber didn't know. She wouldn't have thought she'd be unable to let her partner take over for a while; again, last Friday she'd been fine when he'd set the direction. Just, tonight she wasn't. And it might not be the last time. "I don't know if I can promise that." The way she was letting him (and herself) down, honesty was the least she could give him.

Shit. Shit. Earnestness shone from his face, like a kid trying to convince the nearest adult the truth of his imaginary friend. He might mean it, but it wasn't enough for her. His erection, it hadn't softened in the slightest, and it made her ache with guilt. She wasn't a tease. Amber had never understood women who made out with guys only to decide they weren't in the mood; when she wanted sex, she wanted with every fiber of her being. She clenched her hands over her own thighs. She didn't want to do this. She cared about him more than she'd let herself anyone else since-- More than anything she wanted to be able to give him what he wanted. To curve over him, butterfly-kissing him before finding a condom and spreading it over him. Spread herself, taking him in as deep as she could. Pleasuring them both. But more frayed than when he'd first gone down on her, she knew that to force herself would bring a repeat of that earlier plea. "I can't do this." She bent just enough to cup his face, willing him to understand. God, she hated to admit this. Never had she been unable to perform; she couldn’t stand that the first time had to be with him, of all people. "I'm so sorry. It's not you-- I don't know what happened, I just can't."

At least she knew he'd accept. Not that his accepting was a problem-- if he tried to make her do anything, she'd walk out. That simple. But she knew that he'd respect her needs. Opening doors for her, driving her back to her apartment just to prepare a night bag, asking what she liked in bed-- that hadn't been for show. And Amber knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he wouldn't fail her as a gentleman at this crucial juncture. "I need a shower," Amber said, also certain he'd let her that much. "After that-- I'd still like to sleep with you. If that's okay." That last request he might refuse; if their positions were reversed, she might’ve kicked him out, not understanding that there could be non-sexual reasons for two near-strangers to want to spend a night together. Her hands trailed away, thumb brushing against his slick chin before settling back in her lap.

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[personal profile] amber_v - 2009-10-05 22:40 (UTC) - Expand