amber_v (
amber_v) wrote in
alwaysright2009-10-05 04:01 pm
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30 October 2007 - Morning
A harshly loud, repetitive noise tore Amber from her sleep. Her first conscious thought, after the firm decision to destroy whatever was making that racket, was of the terrible crick in her neck. God, that hurt. Had she fallen asleep on a couch at the hospital? No, not with the breathing next to her; more like she'd fallen asleep on someone.
Someone. Eric.
Amber jolted, eyes opening wide to the sight of an equally sleep-addled Eric. It all came back to her. Approaching him after work. Fucking at the restaurant. Fucking him here-- or not. Amber covered her hand with her mouth. Jesus Christ, just how stupid could she be? Panicking like that, what was wrong with her? And worse, so much worse, falling apart, getting vulnerable and telling Eric those, those-- those things. That she liked him so very much and that she was a control freak and that she'd learn. She’d apologized all over the place and basically begged him to be patient with her. She'd handed Eric a big bowl of crazy an expected him to eat it up with a giant spoon and smile. He'd probably want to dump it into the sink.
And she'd done this over a man who could get her fired.
It was like she'd drunk an entire vat of wine and gotten down with her loser, sensitive side. Yeah, that was what last night had been about. One long losing streak. When had she gotten so off her game? Most women, when they had a few too many, had sex a little more liberally than they would otherwise, lived life a little more intensely. Amber, she got weak. God.
But, shock-rigid muscles relaxing, she studied Eric. She couldn't help the affection that glowed in her when she saw his face, a bit befuddled and tired and so very him. Couldn't help the feeling that pulled her to him, wanting closeness. She couldn’t resist him. During the night she'd cuddled up to him, hugging him. No wonder her neck and back were killing her, she wasn't used to sleeping around another person. He smelled of his dried sweat and her shampoo. "Hey," she said tenderly, her hand reaching out. Their first morning together, she'd climbed and kissed him without hesitation, taking it for granted that he'd want her. Now, she gauged his reaction. Last night he'd made vague promises; now she got to see if they didn't crumble in the light of day.
Someone. Eric.
Amber jolted, eyes opening wide to the sight of an equally sleep-addled Eric. It all came back to her. Approaching him after work. Fucking at the restaurant. Fucking him here-- or not. Amber covered her hand with her mouth. Jesus Christ, just how stupid could she be? Panicking like that, what was wrong with her? And worse, so much worse, falling apart, getting vulnerable and telling Eric those, those-- those things. That she liked him so very much and that she was a control freak and that she'd learn. She’d apologized all over the place and basically begged him to be patient with her. She'd handed Eric a big bowl of crazy an expected him to eat it up with a giant spoon and smile. He'd probably want to dump it into the sink.
And she'd done this over a man who could get her fired.
It was like she'd drunk an entire vat of wine and gotten down with her loser, sensitive side. Yeah, that was what last night had been about. One long losing streak. When had she gotten so off her game? Most women, when they had a few too many, had sex a little more liberally than they would otherwise, lived life a little more intensely. Amber, she got weak. God.
But, shock-rigid muscles relaxing, she studied Eric. She couldn't help the affection that glowed in her when she saw his face, a bit befuddled and tired and so very him. Couldn't help the feeling that pulled her to him, wanting closeness. She couldn’t resist him. During the night she'd cuddled up to him, hugging him. No wonder her neck and back were killing her, she wasn't used to sleeping around another person. He smelled of his dried sweat and her shampoo. "Hey," she said tenderly, her hand reaching out. Their first morning together, she'd climbed and kissed him without hesitation, taking it for granted that he'd want her. Now, she gauged his reaction. Last night he'd made vague promises; now she got to see if they didn't crumble in the light of day.
no subject
He didn't think it was up to him. It seemed that nothing was, lately, least of all his own feelings which insisted on ambushing him at every turn. He didn't want to leave things in the same state they'd been last night when they'd left the hospital, and although House's knowing smirk was a factor in that, it was at the bottom of the list. Foreman went home every night to get away from House. He didn't want to feel that way about Amber, ever.
Shooting a sideways look at Amber, Foreman knew he couldn't let her walk into the hospital like this. Reserved, cut off and remote. "It's not up to me." He sighed and looked ahead again. They were nearly at the hospital. This conversation couldn't last much longer. Whether that was a good thing or not, he didn't know. He raised his eyebrows, as close to throwing up his hands at the situation as he could be while still gripping the steering wheel. "But if I can be right, I want to be right about you. I want to be right about us." His lips moved in something like a smile. "I never want to be right about House."
no subject
God, he was right. Making him hate her would be so much easier. Amber wouldn't have to deal with dreading the moment he realized he'd had enough, that she wasn't worth it.
He was trying to smooth over their fight, the verbal equivalent of kissing and making up. But even his pseudo-apology revealed the problem: he wanted to be right about her and them. That didn't mean he was. He might, as his statement implied, be wrong.
They were pulling up into the hospital parking lot. At least they were more or less on time; they'd be late by no more than a minute or two. Eric had done his part, driving aggressively, letting nothing get in his way. But what he'd done in traffic they couldn't do with each other.
"We need more time," Amber said, as devoid of feeling as before. She didn't dare let in any more emotion than that, she couldn't afford it, not now that they were about to go into public. They'd rushed into their relationship. When it'd been just a one-night stand, speed was no problem. But to be an actual couple, they needed to know who they were, didn't they. Finding out like this, in bits and pieces, flipping from hot to cold, she couldn't handle it. "We need to figure out if we really want this."
no subject
Letting out a defeated breath, Foreman pulled into his parking space. He checked his watch--they didn't have time to draw this out. It would be unprofessional, anyway. Leave their personal shit at the door and act through the day like nothing was going on. Fine. Amber wanted time. What else could he say to that? He'd tried to say as much and it felt like Amber had let his words slip past her without letting them touch her. His chest felt heavy, all those weights that had lifted when he'd first met Amber returning with a vengeance to tie him down, making it difficult to breathe, to walk, to hold up his head. "I do want this," he said quietly, shutting his car door firmly. Without waiting for an acknowledgment, he walked away from her, into the hospital.
no subject
House, on the other hand...
She was grateful Eric didn't insist they continue this now. Amber undid her seatbelt and, aware that they were surrounded by people who could spread gossip like dye in a cup of water, exited the car quietly, cooly. Walking as fast as she could without breaking into an undignified run, she went past Eric and tried not to reflect on the last thing he'd said to her. She couldn't face her personal life right now, not without damaging her professional one.